I was a functional alcoholic for over 25 years, and my addiction was dressed up in social acceptability. I loved to go to wineries, microbreweries, and local distilleries, but after 20 plus years, my refined palette gave way to whiskey bottles hidden in the basement and wine bottles hidden in the garage. I was functional insofar as I hadn't yet lost my wife, house, or job u2013 but I wasn't thriving.
I never dealt with some of the issues I needed to deal with. My alcoholic father abandoned me when I was young, and my mom married another alcoholic who was a hard man who once held me by the throat against the bathroom wall while my mother watched. I'd never dealt with those resentments and traumas. I thought I could outsmart and outrun them, but I wasn't smart or fast enough.
When covid hit, I took a turn for the worse. I was drinking to the point of pain, and I started to miss work at a time when my team needed me. My wife was packed to leave. I called out to God for help, and He said, "If you want to get up out of bed, I am here to help you." I then called AA, and a new friend said the words that would change my life; "I stay sober for me; luckily, everyone else gets to benefit, too." I had never thought of sobriety as selfish, and I am still not exactly sure why that was such a turning point. But over the past couple of years, AA and Our Collective Journey have provided opportunities for me to tell my story, come to terms with old wounds, and I now believe that all the stories I was told about God are true: healing, forgiveness, and redemption are all possible for me.
Please reach out. You are not alone!